bittersweeeeet

just when i told myself no more airports, no more farewells already; i get to know another favourite cousin is flying off on the fourteenth. i am so excited for him, for whatever adventure and knowledge that awaits him there. the past august saw a lot of people that i know and love going overseas.

i think usually part of the reason that it is so sad is cause everytime i send somebody off, i feel like i'm being left behind (and quite literally too). i am thankful right now with whatever life has to offer for me here, but often it feels so suffocating.

i. cannot. breathe.

the school system here is vigorous. or maybe it is not, maybe i'm just finding excues to not do well. really, my creative juice is drying. (i want to do something i like already!) and i cannot imagine how job hunting for me would be next year, with what the economic crisis. of course i pray that it'll be better next year but you know anything can happen. i'm not saying life overseas will be smooth sailing and sweet smelling, i think i just need a little change. i don't mind going away for work or school, it doesn't matter. even for holiday maybe. i talked so much of going somewhere, anywhere, all the time that people around me probably get sick hearing (hehe sorry :D) i have never ever experience studying abroad. the longest i've been overseas was two weeks or so. i only hear and read about people's experiences and always in awe. when do i get to have stories of my own too! i love travel. i am hungry (roaaaaar) for stories of some sort. (which reminds me, i have some pictures posted on my flickr from my short ulu langat trip.)

click picture for a bigger view. i put together four pictures any-o-how.

the thing about sending people off at the airport is you have to be prepared. in the case of like the picture above, being prepared of crowds. and be mentally prepared of course, so you don't get hysterical infront of the said crowds. it can get quite embarrasing.

and when you see people crying and hugging, it's just... i don't know. the hair at the back of my neck usually stands. a rush of emotions just pulled whatever energy i have left. then i don't hold them tears back at just let it flow. it's just much much easier. but it is draining and tiring, crying is. i cannot quite figure out what my mind is doing when i cry, what it is (i was) thinking.

yesterday i went to the airport three freaking time. i was so pro with sending people off already, no more crying. nah, not exactly. i didn't know the people well enough that's why. but that's not really true either. most of the time i can't help it... i mean when you see a mother hugging her son, closing her eyes and then her tears start to wet her cheeks... the image just reflects emotion that is just so so real and raw. you can just feel it, you know. it's like the most basic connection of all, a mother and child. so to see the two part is very wrecking. parting is such sweet sorrow.

that is why, i talk to my mum about going overseas every possible opportunity i have (hehe). i want to get her prepared, see. but she probably don't mind anyway, my mum has two other daughters. nothing to loose really.

yesterday i had visitors too. my aunts and uncle came and we were finding words to write on a birthday card to be passed to my cousin in egypt via my sister's friend who was flying off. it's funny i feel cos these are the kind of things we wouldn't normally do. who sends cards anymore? (well, i do, but not as frequent) i love whatever it is now, being distant, in a way, no matter how weird it sounds. only recently i've added loads of my cousins on my msn, i write to them, i send them cards, i think about them more. when you think about them more, you pray for them more. so that's always great. even when you're in the same place, we're all so occupied with our own little lives, we barely get to see each other anyway.

so yeah, my cousin will turned 21 soon. so we prepared cards and cookies for him. i got a little teary eyed reading his mum's message. she really chooses her words well.

of all the things, he wanted 3ply packet tissues, isn't that the weirdest request? anyway, we called him and passed around the phone and i went online and tried to make a video call. everyone, let's start using skype. msn for mac sucks.

the first is us in spore. second is my cousin; my uncle kept insisting he turn on another light because initially we couldn't see him. and yeah that's faritz in the last one. my cousin, he and others were having a study group or something. (:

going to the airport is not all teary, sad and mushy. it can be quite fun too. infact, it is almost always fun for me. the "camping" at the airport and all that. and sending people off means meeting the other people; those people that i know but rarely see. like seeing them once in a few years, that kinda rare. like yesterday, i saw my high school classmate for the first time in nearly 3 years. i am only nineteen years young, so three years is quite a long time.

and of course, there's the post-send off treat... just to be around with family and friends are great. with farewells, you appreciate each others company more.

(: